Sibling birth order dating
Michael Grose, an Adlerian-trained parenting expert and author of (Random House, £12.99), explains the basics.
‘We’re in a Darwinian struggle from the moment we’re born, fighting for scarce resources within a family – our parents’ time, love and affection,’ he says.
This is based on the theory that opposites attract.
It's also based on the theory, advanced by psychologist Walter Toman, that we're more comfortable with someone who matches the sibling position of our opposite-sex siblings.
And the over-achievement of the first-born is one of the most consistent findings in child psychology. I’m coming from a vulnerable, emotionally charged and pregnant perspective.
I have two daughters, aged five and six, and am about to add a third baby to the mix. She’s independent, educationally gifted and sometimes I think I could leave her in Sainsbury’s and she’d probably look after herself.
“This has been studied very well from a psychological standpoint.
And yet, we all know a ‘typical middle child’, we recognise ‘classic only-child behaviour’.
According to Adler, firstborns are "dethroned" when a second child comes along, and this may have a lasting influence on them, causing them to develop a Middle child syndrome.
Younger and only children may be pampered and spoiled, which was suggested to affect their later personalities.
In some cases, especially for firstborns and lastborns, it is relatively easy to predict who a good match would be based on birth order.
Various theoretical considerations come into play, including the work of Walter Toman, Robert F.
“When you get two first borns together, they tend to be bossy.